the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
