but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize