Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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