Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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