Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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