ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
