I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
