Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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