on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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