i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
