His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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