he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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