I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
