You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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