Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
