He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
