The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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