Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
