I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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