he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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