we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
