when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
