1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
