can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
