shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
