Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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