Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
