I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
