just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
