Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
