im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Never underestimate the power of titties
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