Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
