Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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