Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
