I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
