I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My ass is underappreciated
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
