the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
