apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
