the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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