her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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