i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
