youre lurking in front of me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
