Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Bring me that man meat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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