Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
