I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
