How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
