Someone shit on the floor
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
