Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
