He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
