wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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