You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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