The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
