Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
