It's Friday. Sex?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
