lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
