Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
