please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
