yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
