pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
