Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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