You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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