Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
