he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
