I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
