you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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