I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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