I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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