Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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