the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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