evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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