Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
