She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize