pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
