Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
