Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
