i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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