I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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